“You think your pain and your heartbreak are unprecedented in the history of the world but then you read.” –James Baldwin
It has been close to 20 years since I had my marital reckoning, thanks to my husband’s affair. Somewhere in there, around two years into the wreckage, I began a blog that I called Betrayed Wives Club. Betrayal was unbearably isolating. I had opted to try and rebuild my marriage, though I reserved the right to change my mind at any moment. But that choice meant that only a very few friends knew what I was going through. For much of my day, I wore a mask and felt like a fraud, cosplaying at being a happy wife and mother, though the best I could manage was happyish. I wanted, I needed somewhere the mask could come off.
What I found online were sites, often Christian-centered, that urged me to stay in my marriage and forgive my husband. I also found sites that insisted my only option was to dump the cheater. A cheater was irredeemable, they insisted. But I wanted somewhere I could heal, regardless of what I chose to do, or what my husband did. In the absence of that, I created it.
Over the decade or so that I blogged, Betrayed Wives Club continued to grow. Posts had, literally, millions of views, which told me something both heartening and devastating: There are so many of us. But there is power in community, comfort in “yeah, me too,” wisdom in “here’s how I got through,” and hope in “you can get through this, I promise.” I’ve heard all those things. I’ve said all those things. I’ve known all those things.
Betrayed Wives Club is now The Lighthouse, hosted on this new platform and broadened to invite in anyone who’s navigating heartbreak, which means … life. Betrayal is what shook the foundations of my adult life but, as a child, it was my mother’s addictions. At various times throughout my life, my family has experienced mental health crises. It all hurts. It all breaks our hearts.
Not to hit you over the head with the metaphor but I chose The Lighthouse because I want to offer a place of safety when our lives feel treacherous. I want to offer a space where you can find what you need. Maybe guidance. Maybe commiseration. A place to vent, to be reminded that we all go through times when the best we can do is breathe in, breathe out and try not to murder anyone. And I want to invite all of us to help shine a light for others, to light a path forward. Plus … I love lighthouses. So, there’s that, too. I want this to be a place of joy and laughter. Even in the midst of betrayal or whatever ocean you’re drowning in, we’ve gotta be able to find the funny, to remember that life holds delight, too.
If you’re here because you’ve experienced betrayal, I’m glad you found this. But The Lighthouse is for anyone who’s muddling through life, wondering why everyone else but them seems to be equipped with a manual. Betrayal isn’t the only thing that throws our world into darkness but holy hell, it’s a doozy. Let’s find the light together.